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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes she films me while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it’s like a jumpscare.

A close companion of a decade, Marielle, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a bit, but it strains our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to document everything all the time. During meals out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when other people see her performing for the camera – I experience secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She makes video blogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her styling career. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be involved. Sometimes I'm captured while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her feed later, and it pops up like a surprise: I’ll have no makeup on, making a strange expression or photographed while eating. It feels invasive.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to record her at inopportune moments. Often I'm in conversation to someone else, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has transformed into me serving as her free crew. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my unease about the situation, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to several industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I spend assisting her create material.

I’m grateful that she has helped me with my design career, but I don’t want our connection to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don’t feel she's insincere or inauthentic, but at times it seems that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me smiling with another. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I love being with her, but I also want to experience it without being recorded, altered, or shared for an viewers. I am not a prop for her Instagram.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope Beth to see that the content we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I love creating videos. It’s not just a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online enables me to express myself and engage with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your passions. I admire people on social platforms who pull off that aesthetic of informal, self-made film-making.

Content creation is my interpretation of living actively: noticing the details, sharing them with an viewership that values the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uneasy. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my way of offering access, providing her a opportunity to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her professional path too. That isn't leverage, it's simply being realistic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see what the content we make together can achieve: an opening. I know not all people likes being on camera, but sometimes unplanned moments is what makes content genuine. Appearing on video from time to time is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I'd remove anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my personal filmmaker, but friends support one another in minor capacities. My assumption was filming a short video here or there would be fun for her. Creativity flourishes in collaboration, and having my friend around makes endeavors lively and pleasurable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I’d never intentionally embarrass her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I record our time together.

I value our friendship profoundly and want to avoid making videos to come between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like asking before recording, and avoiding shots that might make her uncomfortable.

This isn’t about control, it’s about expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Clearly content creation is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I live my life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and her friend when they are out together?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a companion film you. I understand that it's her passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. Given the uncertain future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for help every time, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn't imply all those around her is willing material. She must to honor Beth’s privacy.
Ankit, 26

Marielle might love making content and showing off her life online, but it’s not for everyone. It’s nice she has helped her friend professionally, but she needs to listen to what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the focus in your relationship. Foster some real experiences, where true emotions are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor genuine when they're together – she's on the job. Each appears confused as to what’s reasonable. The answer lies not in trying to change one another, but in each establishing clear boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an acceptable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been exploiting their friendship?